i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
