I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
