like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You made out with two different species that night
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Terrible idea I love it
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize