...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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