New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
