this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
