I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize