Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize