He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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