No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
