By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize