You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
