I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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