I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
