i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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