She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
