i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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