how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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