cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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