did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
