Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
