The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
