Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
