I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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