____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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