WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
