i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
