when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
