could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
