Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize