Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
