oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
