Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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