sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
