I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
