This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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