I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
