i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
