I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
