Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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