i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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