flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
