her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
