What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We have started to decorate penises.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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