I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
