Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize