you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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