I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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