dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
