shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The adults are the big ones right?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
