The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
