I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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