If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
