I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
