Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
