Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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