Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
