She's JV to your varsity
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
