eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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