he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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