I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
