drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
