I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
