I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
