Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
