4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
